There are instances and episodes, of people who have hurt us to the very core. Which have shaken our very beliefs, questioned our faith.
They all say forgiveness will heal.
Time has taught me (besides a million other things), its always the actions of the people we truly love, adore and respect that hurts to the very core. Offenses by any other are of little consequence, unless one is particularly good at holding grudges.
How easy is it to forgive and forget a hurtful action by a loved one? Terribly difficult I would say from sheer experience. Since the very act of forgiveness is voluntary, it makes it a Herculean task. It is easier to continue to wish the person well. But to undergo changes in hurtful feelings, well that is a different ball game altogether.
So what does one do? One doesn’t want to go through life with a stone in the pit of their stomach. A stone which gorges itself painfully deeper and deeper till it becomes part of ones very existence. Oh definitely not. All of us secretly want to heal, to be washed afresh with the clear blissful spring of love and happiness. Towards oneself and the ones we love.
Distraction, ignoring or pushing the feeling down only results in an upheaval of twice the ferocity. Let it not be pushed against the wall, where it will fester from within and deteriorate our vitals.
Healing begins with first completely feeling the distress, letting it overwhelm, flood the senses, allowing the self to wallow in pain, misery till every other thought process is blocked. Let it burst like a volcano through tears, cries of rage till one is spent, exhausted and numb. It might go on for an hour, day week, month. But it will eventually subside, recede, no longer centre stage.
Once the numbness takes over, starts the blank stage. Everything works on autopilot. And there are flares, where the memory is relived and anguish takes over. Its comes in spurts, bearable and unbearable. One regains normalcy only to go through periods of sullen silence. Healing has begun.
The actual healing is what I call “The Leap”. A feeling which when encountered, confirms recovery. It’s the leap of the heart over the memory of angst. Like a little lamb, the heart leaps over the echo of grief untouched, unscathed.
It’s like the story of the three billy goats gruff. Once they have firmly dealt with the ogre under the bridge, he never troubles them again, allowing them to leap over his bridge to graze on greener pastures.
That’s when you know you have completely moved on, to fairer lands, when while leaping over the bridge, one can look at the ogre with indifference, unafraid as if it were someone else’s demon.
And to reach this very stage, one needs to deal with the ogre, till he is spent. All the while hopes and dreams of the green grass and rainbow lights on the other side in the head. And love. Let not the feeling of anger smote the feeling of love. Let not the singular dreadful memory wipe away the gorgeous ones. The ones created before the clouds enveloped, the ones which strung us on the same swinging wire. As without compassion the leap will be a distant dream. It’s a choice between perishing with the negative weight or rising with full force like a dolphin above the weighing water. Its this very choice which will bring The Leap within sight, attainable exuberant sight.
If the soul utters a cry of anguish
Caused by the one we love and cherish
Let despair overwhelm like a fog
Else every pore it shall block and clog
A lamb in the merry green field
From afar will peer at the foggy shield
And skip onto the next lush step
Light hearted with renewed love abreast….